A married couple was invited to a Halloween party. That night, as they were getting ready to go out, the wife said she had developed a migraine headache and had to stay home. She told her husband to go to the party without her. “Don’t let me spoil a good time for you,” she said. After further discussion, the husband put his costume on and went to the party. The wife took some aspirin and went to bed.
After sleeping for a while, she woke feeling much better and decided to go to the party and surprise her husband. As she was getting ready, she thought to herself, “I wonder what my husband really does when I’m not around.”
She then got into a different costume, so her husband wouldn’t recognize her, and went to the party. Getting there, she stood off to the side and watched. There was her husband dancing with one girl after another and getting very physical with them.
She decided to see just how far he would go. She went up to him and started dancing with him, got very close and whispered that they should go outside. Going to one of the cars, they made love. Prior to the midnight unmasking, she left and went home to wait for her husband to return so she could confront him.
He arrived home about 1:00 a.m. and climbed into bed. She sat up and asked “Well, how was the party?” He replied, “It was no fun without you honey.” She said, “I don’t believe you. I bet you had lots of fun!”
He replied, ‘Really, Honey. When I got to the party, some of the guys and I got bored and we went downstairs and played poker all night.
But you know, the guy I loaned my costume to told me he had one hell of a great time!”
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A farmer rushed to his phone one day to report that his nearest neighbor’s
house was on fire. He
promptly called 911 to report the fire. In the calmest voice he could
muster, he reported the fire
was at his neighbor’s house two miles down the road. The dispatcher asked
“How do we get
there?” The farmer hesitated a few seconds then asked, “Don’t you guys have
those big red trucks anymore?”
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A man goes into a pharmacy. He says to the druggist: I need some birth control for my eleven-year-old daughter.
Is your little girl sexually active? asks the druggist.
Nah, she just lays there like her mother.
A man is taking a shower with his 6 year old daughter when she asks, Daddy, what s that between your legs?
That s a Penis, honey.
When am I going to get one of those? she asked, innocently.
As soon as Mommy goes to the Mall.
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Being English, I, along with most of my fellow countrymen, deal with tragedy and adversity in a unique way.
After something terrible has happenned, usually on a national level, we begin circulating very poor taste jokes.
Now, I was wondering weather anyone could remember the most tasteless jokes they’ve ever heard.
If so, stick ‘em here, along with the cultural reference, and we can all laugh/wince/pretend-to-be-above-it-all at them!
I’ll start the ball rolling with a joke I received via text about the time all the Michael Jackson revalations were hitting the papers:
“What’s worse than than having Michael Jackson babysit your kids?
Having Ian Huntley bath them.”
Ooof!
The Flemster.
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The Indians asked their Chief in autumn if the winter was going to be cold or not. Not really knowing an answer, the chief replies that the winter was going to be cold and that the members of the village were to collect wood to be prepared.
Being a good leader, he then went to the next phone booth and called the National Weather Service and asked, “Is this winter to be cold?”
The man on the phone responded, “This winter is going to be quite cold indeed.”
So the Chief went back to speed up his people to collect even more wood to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again, “Is it going to be a very cold winter?”
“Yes”, the man replied, “it’s going to be a very cold winter.”
So the Chief goes back to his people and orders them to go and find every scrap of wood they can find. Two weeks later he calls the National Weather Service again: “Are you absolutely sure that the
winter is going to be very cold?”
“Absolutely,” the man replies, “the Indians are collecting wood like crazy!”
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